Sadie has been begging to go play at McDonald's for a long time and I always tell her no. Well, today things worked out that we could fit it in right after preschool. (I am not so excited about the processed food, but the energy expenditure is a great thing for Sadie.) So, off to the McDonald's we went.
Sadie was really excited to be there. And, even more, she was really excited that there were so many kids!!! I was happy that she was happy and that she was using up some of that endless energy. She ate and then went to play. She had been playing for about 20 mins when blood-curdling screams started coming from the top of the slide. It was Sadie. I would know her screams from anywhere. I could see her in the window, but there was no way for me to get to her. She was in a little chamber room at the top of the slide and there were 3 or 4 other girls up there pushing her, hitting her, pinching her face and pulling her hair. Every time she tried to go down the slide one of the girls would block her or push her. Now, granted, I am sure Sadie had some part in starting this little cat fight, but she quickly became outnumbered and the target of bullying.
I went to the bottom of the slide and started calling for Sadie to come down - but she couldn't. We were not being quite. I was yelling for Sadie to come down. She was SCREAMING because she was getting hurt. Moms all around the playground were staring. But, those little girls' moms did nothing. Didn't come over to tell them to stop. Didn't come over to administer a punishment. I don't even think they thought anything was wrong.
Sadie finally got out and we left the McDonald's with her in tears. This was not the outing I had planned. All I wanted was for Sadie to have a little fun, but instead she got bullied.
When we got home we had a little talk about what to do when she gets into these situations. I told her she just needed to ignore those kids and walk away as quickly as possible. But that's not what I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her to push those girls right back. And while she was at it, maybe teach her how to throw a mean right hook. Seriously, I couldn't decide who I wanted to punch more - the kids or their moms. I mean, if it would have been Sadie up there hitting, pinching and pushing, I can tell you Sadie's McDondald's days would have been done for and, in the very least, an apology would have been issued. I realize I may be overreacting, but I could not believe that the other moms did nothing. But, score one point to me, I managed to get out of the building without actually hitting anybody.
Kids can be seriously harsh. This is one of my biggest fears as I let Sadie venture into the world of school and friends; into a world where people won't love her as unconditionally as I do...maybe, not even like her. I am not always going to be there to protect her and she probably isn't going to always tell me what is happening. It freaks me out. How do I protect her? And when I can't protect her anymore, how do I teach her how to handle those kinds of situations in an appropriate way?
Bullying has become such a major issue these days with serious consequences. So, how much should a parent step in? Where is the line between teaching your kids how to handle a situation on their own and stepping in to protect your kids when they can't protect themselves? I read an article the other day that talked about parent's letting their kids as young as 4 years old get plastic surgery to avoid bullying. When I heard that I thought it was totally ridiculous. That was until the little girl next door started laughing at Sadie because "her ears stick out really far. That is funny!" Not that I would ever give Sadie plastic surgery, but it made me sad that Sadie was getting made of fun for that. I, sort of, came to understand why a parent might make that choice.
On the other hand, I watched a video on YouTube in which a teenage boy sobs uncontrollably as he details how he doesn't think he can bare anymore bullying and he will end his life soon. The boy made that video himself. Who knows if his parents even realize how much pain he is in.
Still, there is one more side to the story. I remember a couple of times when I was growing up when a couple of parents called my mom in a hissy fit over something I had allegedly done to their child. In my recollection I hadn't even done what I was being accused of and yet these parents were making a huge issue of the situation and stepping in to defend their children. I don't ever want to be that parent. My life is stressful enough. I don't need to add childhood arguments to the list.
Luckily, kids seem to be pretty resilient. Once Sadie calmed down she went on with her afternoon like nothing had happened. Hopefully her ability to move on gives me some time to figure out how I am going to parent her through the childhood mine field of teasing and bullying. Until then, be careful about being mean to Sadie. I might have just decided to teach her how to punch you in the face.
4 comments:
This is one of the major reasons why I don't want to have kids (or maybe scared to?). I have a hard time letting my dogs associate with other dogs, let alone a child. I remember all of the teasing and bullying that happened through elementary, junior and high school. Not necessarily at my expense, but it was hard to watch then and think about now. I'm scared to bring a child into this type of world because I know the things I struggled with are pale in comparison to what they would be dealing with. I also know the life long hurt that comes from mean natured comments or actions. It scars you for life. Long story short, you have a legitimate concern and one I am petrified to ever deal with.
These situations make me SO angry! Did you yell at the girls who were doing the pushing and pinching? It seems that if a parent is going to step in it'll be when another parent is "attacking" their child. I hope it doesn't happen again. And I especially hope that cute little girl never gets bullied again!
That mama bear instinct is deadly! I've had it myself. And it does break a mama's heart! I still remember the day Mikayla came home in tears from preschool saying someone told her her hands smell. 3 1/2 years later...she STILL is obsessed with lotion and all sorts of smelly things so her hands won't smell.
Kids are mean. And I hate it! You are right. It is so hard to stand back and not fight their battles! SO HARD! And I'm with you on trying to teach them to be the bigger person and walk away...and try not to let it bother them, but inside....INSIDE I want to tell them to to deck the little boogers. (I know, it's harsh.)
These are the moments I wish we could bubble our kids up forever so we don't have to see them hurt! As cliche as it sounds...they will get stronger from it. And I try to use moments like that for teaching opportunities on why we should be nice to others...and show them how it makes people feel when others are mean.
Side note: If I make it through the mothering years without decking another mom (or possibly slapping their child) it WILL be a miracle and I should get a medal. :)
I am impressed how you handled yourself and handled it with Sadie. Sorry for the lengthy post...I just get all sorts of riled when it comes to bullying! ugh!
WHOA! that is nuts.
i would've A: yelled at those little brats (no joke)
B: yelled as loudly as possible to whoever their moms might have been that they are HORRIBLE parents and deserve to have their children taken away from them by social services
and then stormed out... not kidding... i would've had a hard time not getting in someone's face.
that's the problem today - way too many worthless people having kids that have NO business having kids. just raising irresponsible and trashy clones of themselves!
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