What? I have a blog???

Soooooo, remember when I used to blog? That was fun, huh? I also remember a time when I used to sleep, run and go on dates with my hot hubby.

Ah, sometime I will not be sleep deprived and overly hormonal and I will regain my life. Until then... pictures? Will that suffice?

6 days old... first smiles? or just a little gas?

2 months old. Looks like we got a blue-eyed beauty.

first day of preschool. Where did the time go?

Blessing Day! October 16, 2011

Loves to paint!

Pictures taken of both Sadie and Alyssa when they were each about 2 months old. Can you tell who is who?

These two already have so much fun together.

The Fire Drill That Started It All

What could make a trip to the OBGYN even worse than it already is? I mean besides sitting naked on that exam table at 40 weeks pregnant. How about if you throw in a fire alarm?

Yep, that is how Alyssa Brynn Johnson began her journey into this world.

I was sitting naked on an exam table, my feet properly positioned in the stirrups (not the Yee Haw! kind. More the "can you cough for me" kind), and... the fire alarm went off.

Any one would think that might be enough to get this baby into the world quickly. But, I firmly believe that Alyssa has a pretty good sense of humor. She joked around about coming in July. Her teasing got a little more serious in August. And she played a mean practical joke 2 days early. But come, she did not.  Even with that little burst of adrenaline, thanks to the welcoming song of the fire alarm, she still wasn't quite sure she was ready for her grand entrance. And so this short story gets a whole lot longer. 18 hours longer, to be exact.

Let me back up a little bit. I came to my appointment a little bit early on September 19th (my due date) because the Dr. wanted me to take an NST. We discovered I was having contractions about every 7 minutes and that the baby wasn't handling them so well. Her heart rate was not following the pattern they wanted it to and her movement was less than ideal. We were in the exam room discussing the results of my NST when the alarm sounded. So, with eyes politely averted, while I scrambled ungracefully (let's all remember I am 40 weeks pregnant, getting dressed was no easy task) back into my pants, she yelled over the blaring alarm that she wanted me at the hospital as soon as possible.

So we hurried to the hospital and proceeded to wait. And wait. And wait. If the baby's heart was fine and my contractions didn't pick up, they were going to send me home. We got to the hospital around noon and they monitored my contractions and the baby until around 5pm when her heart rate did a funky dip. That dip was the deciding factor.  I was not going home without a baby. So a little after 5PM the Dr. broke my water.

Side note:
Although Ryan will claim he was sorry I was in so much pain once the contractions started, I think he was secretly glad to finally have something to do. He was starting to get really bored of watching Friends. Buuuuut, a little amniotic fluid here, a few untimely gapings of the gown there, I am pretty sure A) Ryan was praying to be back in that uncomfortable chair watching Friends and B) He will never, ever find me attractive ever again.
End Side note.

Sadie's delivery was an emergency C-section and I was hoping to do a VBAC  this time around. I was dead set on going without pain medication for as long as possible. However, the Dr. had requested I get an epidural before I started pushing, just in case I needed another c-section.  I had done a little preparation with hypnobirthing and was trying to incorporate their techniques into my labor. After about 4 hours of contractions and trying to visualize a blooming flower my nurse told me I hadn't dilated at all. So, I decided to screw the blooming flower* and got an epidural**.

*I highly recommend the hypnobirthing techniques. If I had a body that was capable of child birth I totally would be all about it. Sadly, I don't***.

**Are all anesthesiologists just reeeeeaaaaalllyy nice guys? Or, is it just the pain relief blurring my perception? Either way, they persuade me to have a little crush on them. I claim no responsibility. I am drugged.

***I have one almost brand new Hypnobirthing book and CD for sale.

I don't remember much after the epidural. There was some sleeping. There was lots and lots of monitoring. At one point I had like 7 different monitors coming out of my body. The baby started having heart arrhythmia (I don't know how to say that right) sometime in the early morning. The lady in the room next to me came, labored, delivered and left. I called her mean names. At 4AM they checked my cervix and I had fully dilated (Yea!!) except whenever I had a contraction it closed back down to a 7 (Boo!!).

So, at 4:30AM the Dr. and I had a heart to heart. The baby had not descended and was displaying irregular heart patterns, I was having regular contractions but none that were strong enough to progress labor and I had a delivery history with Sadie that pretty nearly matched this delivery so far. So we decided to opt for the C-Section then, before it became an emergency situation.  Around 5AM they wheeled me to the O.R.

So there is lots of talking. And the lights are so bright I can barely keep my eyes open. And I am scared, maybe stressed is a better word for it. And Ryan sits by my side and talks me through it. And the anesthesiologist keeps telling me to put my arms down because I am blocking the flow of the drugs through my IV. (I don't really remember this, but Ryan says it is so). And then there is this huge release of pressure and I know they have taken the baby out... and there is silence... which seems like it lasts forever. With Sadie and with Alyssa I just waited to hear that scream. And then it comes. It is the best sound in the world. It means that my baby is ok. And, it means I am done being pregnant and done with labor. Alyssa Brynn was born on Sept. 20th at 5:32AM after 18 hours of labor and we love her to death!

**WARNING: A few of the following pictures are rather graphic. We are talking blood and guts here. You have been warned.**

In the O.R. To the left is my awesome anesthesiologist. Then there is me. Some women look lovely while in labor, I am not one of them. Then if you dare, you can look to the right where you will see my Drs operating and the red is all of my innards.

She is born! Dr. is just about to cut her umbilical cord

First cries, getting cleaned off, tests, etc.

Meeting mom

Meeting dad. Ryan sent this picture out to our family and told them that she is a nice, calm, happy baby.

H-A-DOUBLE L- DOUBLE U- DOUBLE E-N

I am not sure how or why but the pumpkin carving got procrastinated to Halloween day so we were in crunch time to get them done. (I am not sure why I felt that pumpkins MUST be carved for Halloween, but I did) And, I thought Sadie would think it was so fun.
Basically the following pictures are a big fat lie! (is that an oxymoron?) I had the camera ready for Sadie's first foray into the pumpkin. It was also her last.  Exact  Quote: "Ewwww! It is too yucky! You do it mom. I am going to go watch the care bear movie, OK?"

So, while Sadie was care bearing I furiously carved. **Sigh** Perhaps next year it will be a fun family activity.

Near the end of September Sadie saw a fairy costume and totally wigged out because she wanted it. I stalled on the purchase, and good thing too because between then and now she also wanted to be a number of different princesses, a bumble bee, a pirate, a dinosaur, a kitty and a cowgirl. Lat week we finally settled on a witch ("The Good Kind, OK Mom?") thanks in large part to the witch lawn decorations in our neighborhood. This is my interpretation of a good witch. And of course, she needed a black cat so Alyssa filled the role.

I was on door duty while Ryan took Sadie out. We were prepared for about 100 trick-or-treaters. We got about 15. Ryan took ALOT of candy to work today to add to the communal candy bowl. However, the low number of kids in our neighborhood means Sadie totally scored some loot. Our neighborhood is full of Grandmas who handed out full size candy bars and capri suns, of course they were tied up in cute Halloween bags and tied with ribbon. I guess when you only get 15 kids at your door it is easy to do stuff like that. Is it surprising to anyone that she asked for candy for breakfast?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

"I am a BIG Sister!"

Sadie loves babies. Even before Alyssa was born Sadie loved babies. So, I wasn't too concerned about how Sadie would adjust to the new arrival, but there was still room for concern. Sadie is used to being the center of attention and having my undivided attention.  But,Sadie is the best big sister ever!

She loves to hold Alyssa and wants to hold her multiple times every day. She is super helpful. She gets diapers, wipes, and burp cloths. She keeps track of where the binky is. And, if Alyssa gets fussy Sadie is the first one to alert me that "she is hungry for milk!"

Sadie does get a little upset when Alyssa cries, especially when we are in the car. But she is getting more patient with it and learning that that is just how babies communicate.

Sadie meeting Alyssa for the first time

Sadie wearing her "Big Sister" t-shirt on day 2 in the hospital. She would run over to the door whenever any doctors or nurses came into the room to inform them that she was the BIG sister and that her baby was Alyssa who "grew up out of mommy's tummy." 

So excited to have mommy and baby sister home from the hospital

Getting to know one another

My beautiful girls

I love my girls and I love that they love each other!

3 + 1 = 4

Photo courtesy of Christian Photography

Alyssa Brynn Johnson

Born September 20, 2011

8 lbs 1 oz 20 in

belly shots

The Door-to-Door Sales Person

I am the door-to-door sales person's dream come true. I can't say no.

Why I can't say no:

• I feel bad that they have this job. How do I say no to a person who is sweating like a dog in 100 degree weather, lugging around a huge box of dictionaries while I am chillaxing with my diet coke in a perfectly cooled 69 degree house? (yes, 69 degrees. You try being pregnant in the summer) 
• I feel empathetic or sympathetic to their cause. K, I didn't grow up in the projects. I had only the best opportunities to get the best education possible. And even though I chose to get an English Humanities degree (a.k.a. I chose to be unemployed forever) I could have studied and pursued any job I wanted. When a guy shows up on my doorstep claiming he grew up in the projects, he now has 7 kids to support and that me buying a magazine is his best chance at being able to afford an education, I want to support his efforts.
• Sometimes their cause is really, actually legitimate (not just a sad sob story like above) Take for example when the boy scouts show up selling popcorn, or the neighbor HS boy is selling car washes to pay for football, or you are donating to help local rape victims. Sometimes it is just not ethically or morally right to say no.
• Sometimes it is girl scout cookies. Enough said.
• Sometimes these blasted door-to-door sales people are so incredibly pushy I just think that the fastest way to get them out of my face is to buy their stupid product and send them on their way. Take for example the girl who was selling a cleaning product. When I opened the door she pushed her way right into my living room (I now keep a butcher knife safely hidden in my coat closet in case the next pushy sales person also happens to be a mass murderer, but that is another story) and then she walked right into my kitchen and started spraying her cleaner all over my kitchen floor. Which brings me to my next reason to buy...
• Sometimes I need what they are selling. The above mentioned cleaner bleached out (or in some other way (I am not claiming that it actually cleaned any dirty grout)) changed the color of a 4x4 square foot section of the grout in the middle my tiled kitchen floor. It was either buy that cleaner and change the color of all the grout, re-grout the whole floor, or live with a multi-colored kitchen floor. It just seemed the easiest thing to do was buy the dang cleaner.

The thing is, I just can't afford the door-to-door sales person. If the company can afford to send a person door-to-door, state-to-state, they are charging waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much for what that person is selling. So, I have tried a few methods to avoid said sales people.

When I was first married it was super easy. When I answered the door they often would ask if my parents where home (looking like I am ten actually does have a few perks) and I would simply say no and they would walk away.

When I got pregnant, that stopped working. So then I would just tell them to talk to my husband. 5 boxes of steak later I realized Ryan has the same problem as me.

At my old house in Utah I just stopped answering the door. If I didn't expect anybody, I didn't answer the door. (Sorry neighbors. This often led me to miss your random visits) That worked very well!

However, my front door here in Colorado is surrounded by window ...which peers straight into my kitchen/family room... which is where we reside most of the day... which means by the time they ring the door bell they already can see we are home. It also doesn't help that Sadie freaks out and runs screaming to the door like a wild banchi every time the door bell rings. It is hard to pretend you aren't home when she is inside screaming, "MOM, OPEN THE DOOR, OPEN THE DOOR!"

I do now have one super great excuse: "You will need to ask my landlord. Would you like his phone number?" Goodbye roof repairmen, painters, lawn care, pest control and window covering sales people! That was easy!

But that still leaves me vulnerable to the sad sob story magazine sales people. Which is why I am writing this (now incredibly long) blog post. A few months ago a girl, much like this one, showed up on my porch selling magazines.

I guess her neon hair and makeup should have been my first clue... but I didn't catch on. She babbled on and on about how she was selling magazines to earn a trip to Ireland. I decided to buy a magazine because, hey, I would love to go to Ireland. Think of how much history and culture there would be to learn about, not to mention literature and art! I mean, surely she was going to Ireland as a study abroad thing, right?

So, after the magazine had been picked and the check had been signed I mentioned something about how I would just die to go to Ireland to read some James Joyce and engage in some political arguments. She looked at me like I was the BIGGEST nerd ever (which she probably should have) and said, "I don't know about any of that. I am just going to go to the best raves on the planet!"

Luckily, these door-to-door sales obligations often have a cancellation periods. Call me judgemental but I am not paying for someone else to go to Ireland just to party. I will save the money for myself so I can party. (But let it be mentioned that I would go to Tahiti, not Ireland). (And I probably wouldn't do drugs).

Well, I have learned my lesson. And FYI to all door-to-door sales people. If you knock on my door I will be freshly out of checks, and I don't keep cash in the house. Passive? Yes. Successful? Yes.

Now, I need some help. Something about the bible and liars and burning...   How do you just flat out say no?  Maybe my next investment should be a no soliciting sign.

Sadie Sings

Move aside Steven Tyler. Step Back Elton John. We got a new rockstar in town. She outshines both your fashion knowledge and your mad keyboard skills.

Honesty

I have an (almost) 3 year old residing in my house. This means that I get to hear a lot of really, really truthful things about me ("Mommy, you are getting bigger") and a lot of not so truthful things about Sadie (Me: Sadie, did you just color on the dog with a marker? Sadie: ...(no answer, just a guilty smile) ... but look Mommy, Malley has pretty colors all over him!)

As you can see in my last post, my stomach is quite large these days. Thus, my shirts are doing a less good job covering it. Especially because I still wear non-maternity t-shirts to sleep in. This morning I was wearing one such t-shirt and it got pulled up a little as I was getting Sadie out of the bath.  Before I could get a chance to pull my shirt back down over my pregnant self, Sadie looked up and pointed and with great amazement in her voice said, "Mommy! You have stripes on your tummy!! That's cool!!!"

Yes, Sadie. That is the truth. The very honest truth. I do have stripes on my overly stretched stomach. They were lovingly created by you and your little sister.

Armed with the truth I went to a maternity store and laid down a good amount of green for a little of this:

Awww. I just love a lot of pregnancy mixed up with a little honesty. :)

How to Shoplift a Watermelon

I ran to the grocery store the other day and used the self checkout lane to pay for the groceries. I usually don't use the self checkout lanes as they completely freak me out. The automated voice is always telling me I am stupid, "Please place your scanned item in the bagging area... Please bag your item... NOW.  PUT YOUR ITEM IN THE BAG BEFORE I SEND A POLICE SQUADRON!!! Thank You." But, hey, what could go wrong? I only had a couple of items and I was in a hurry.

As I began the check out process I was trying my best to avoid the embarrassment I usually experience with these lanes so I was very carefully scanning each item and then very carefully placing them in the bagging area. You can imagine my pride when I successfully scanned all of my items without incident.

The credit card scanner is above the bagging area, so next I stepped away from the scanning area and over to the bagging area so I could pay for my groceries. And this is when the machine decided to start freaking out at me.
"There is an unscanned item in the bagging area! Please scan your item before bagging. BEEP. BEEP. There is an unscanned item in the bagging area! Please scan your item before bagging. BEEP!! BEEP!!"

I checked my hands. I checked my bags. I checked the scanning area. I had scanned ALL of my items. "What the crap is going on??" I just couldn't figure it out.

I checked again. I had absolutely no idea what the machine was freaking out about so I stepped back to think and try to figure out what I was going to do when the store clerk came over to accuse me of stealing.
...And the machine calmed down...

Yes, that is right. I stepped back and suddenly there were no more unscanned items in the bagging area. The machine thought my huge, pregnant belly was a grocery item. Nice.

So, this is what we have learned about self check out lanes:
A. If you have ever wondered whether or not you are too fat, just go stand in front of the scanner. Unlike your mother or your husband, the self check out machine will give you a truthful and unbiased answer.
B. If you really want some watermelon but just don't have the money to buy one, put it under your shirt and use the self check out lane. It will just let you know you are too fat.
C. You will realize that you have reached a point where your pregnancy is quite obvious. In fact, your pregnant belly is huge... as big as someone with a watermelon up their shirt.

My Huge Belly at 31 weeks.

I think I will stick to the regular check out lanes from now on.

Why Do You Hate Me?

This toy was GIVEN to Sadie by a man working the candy/toy booth at the amusement park we visited the other night. 

You know in those crime thriller movies when someone is handed a beautifully wrapped gift only to open it to find a bomb or something like that inside? I kinda know how that might feel now. I mean, what a fun toy! And why would someone just give it away?

Fast forward to 5 minutes trapped in a car with this butterfly. I started to wonder what is was I did to this man to make him hate me so.

After about 15 minutes I was ready to report an assault. I am pretty sure my ears started bleeding... or was I just having seizures from the strobbing lights??? I don't even know anymore!

This butterfly has been in Sadie's possession for about a month now and I am pretty sure this amusement park man successfully carried out a terrorist attack on my sanity. I truly am sorry that I subjected you to this kind of cruelty, but I needed someone to know why I have gone crazy.

Dear Amusement Park Man, why, oh, why do you hate me so???

Sleeping Time or Party Time?

About a month ago I decided it was time to transfer Sadie to a "big girl" bed. We will be getting a real bed for her sometime in August (as we will be needing the crib come mid-September), but until then Sadie's big girl bed is her crib with one of the sides removed. From all indications Sadie is thrilled with this development.

Sadie preparing for her first night's sleep in her big girl bed

I did my best to make sure she was good and tired out for that first night of sleep. I am no idiot. I have seen the Super Nanny. I know this new found freedom can spell horror for a parent. Luckily, the first night went grandly! Sadie went right to sleep. The next night seemed to go well, too.

Sometime down the road, however, Sadie discovered that she could get out of bed whenever she pleased. This lead to an abrupt ending of nap time and a rather prolonged bedtime.

One morning, I didn't hear her open her door or walk down the stairs. Upon realizing her bedroom door was open, I did a frantic search around the house and found her opening the sliding glass door and making a beeline for her play set at 6 in the morning.

When I couldn't stand the lack of a nap time anymore I insisted she stay in her bed and sleep. This resulted in me physically picking her up and putting her back in her bed 42 times (yes, I counted) in the space of an hour and a half. She finally got the idea that she needed to stay in her bed, but never actually went to sleep.

I will never forget one of the first nights she realized she could get out of bed. Ryan and I were downstairs watching TV. All had been quite in Sadie's room for a couple of hours, which would make me assume she was asleep. Sometime around 10pm Ryan went up to our bedroom only to find Sadie dressed in my finest pair of high heels, drawers completely emptied and Dora the Explorer playing on the TV.

The ensuing conversation went something like this:
Ryan: "Sadie! Oh No! What are you doing? It is sleeping time!!!"
Sadie: " NO Dad! IT IS PARTY TIME!!!!!"


It's Party Time!

After a month or so of daily battles, she is finally getting the hang of staying in her bed and actually going to sleep. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that I threatened the life of her very favorite stuffed animal if she gets out of her bed during sleeping time...

Baby Is A...

GIRL!!!!

I was 85% sure I was having a boy. This pregnancy has just been so different than with Sadie, so I thought it had to mean I was having a boy. Sadie, however, has been sure we were having a girl since day 1. She never faltered and ALWAYS said she was getting a little sister. She was right.
Poor Ryan, he is getting to be very outnumbered.

She is still pretty skeletal, weighing in at exactly one pound. Here are some 3D pics from our 22 week ultrasound.

We welcome name suggestions!

Elder Johnson Revisits The Lonestar State

Ryan served his mission in the McAllen, Texas mission. He has always talked about going back some day and after his stories of gangsters and dogs and front porch bbqs and tortillas, I really wanted to see it too.

Every year Ryan's work has a big meeting for all of it's employees and they bring along spouses and families just for the fun of it. This year the meeting was in San Antonio, Texas. Being so close, we just couldn't pass up the opportunity to stay a little longer and revisit some of Ryan's old mission areas.

We started the week at the JW Marriott for Ryan's work meetings. This hotel features six acres of heated pools, fountains, waterfalls and rivers so you can imagine what Sadie and I were doing while Ryan was meeting-ing it up.

Ryan & I at the Formal Dinner

When the work shindig was over we visited the Alamo and the Riverwalk and then headed South to the border. Our first stop was Laredo, TX. 



At The Alamo



All of Ryan's mission journals and contacts are packed away in a storage unit in Utah so he didn't really have anyway of finding the people he would have liked to have visited. But because of the transitory nature of border towns and immigrants, it was highly unlikely he would have been able to find these people even if he did have any contact info. So, we didn't get to visit with anybody Ryan taught. But we did get to drive by his mission apartments and drive by the houses of some people he taught. As we were driving by he would tell us stories.

In Laredo we got to see the house of a woman he taught and baptized. She worked as a live-in housekeeper for a family and was trying to save money to bring the rest of her family from Mexico.

Next we went to Brownsville, stopping in Harlingen and San Benito on the way. In Harlingen we saw the apartment where Ryan co-habitated with a porcupine. This porcupine just happened to be a thief and stole his Christmas presents. 

Trying a Mexican Sucker. This one is flavored with Chili Powder.

In Brownsville Ryan served in Cameron Park, which at the time was the poorest neighborhood in the entire United States. Ryan's best mission stories hail from Cameron Park. There are too many good ones to relay here, but if you want to know just ask Ryan about the dogs, the gangsters and the mayo-covered corn.

We took a few days leave of absence from the mission trail and visited South Padre Island. We spent most of the time on the beach.

Our Little Beach Baby

While we were in South Padre Island we went on a dolphin watching tour which was AMAZING! We found a pod of dolphins within just a few minutes of being out on the water. The dolphins were swimming so close to our boat we probably could have touched them if we tried. Our tour guide was also really knowledgeable. He was able to point out the baby dolphins, who, he said, still had their birth wrinkles, making them no more than a few days old.

Dolphins. Coincidentally, they are hard to photograph.

We headed back up to San Antonio and spent our last day down on the Riverwalk. We had lunch on the Riverwalk with some overly friendly birds. There was a duck that kept biting my leg because he wanted food. Sadie still talks about the mean birds in Texas. We also took a little boat ride down the river and saw the sites. San Antonio is a very beautiful city architecturally. I loved it!

This was a fabulous family vacation. I couldn't have wished for a better time!